First entry

I have always considered myself a modern girl, I remember having thoughts and opinions so strong I could converse for hours with real conviction, I could contribute actual perspective and humorous analogies to any exchange with any person no matter their walk of life.  I was young, driven and charismatic I was me and aside from the insecurities that, in my social experience, plague all young women I was comfortable in my skin.  Looking back I see how easy it was to that confident young woman when it was only me that I was concerned with and dedication to my own success was the only task that lay before me.  Somehow through the years I have lost that girl, shes gone,  I havent mourned her death because it was through her passing that this new woman has emerged and Im not convinced that its a bad thing, in fact when the old me starts to fight her way back from the dead I find myself supressing her for the greater good of my family.  I however cant help but wonder if I can be evertything I should be with all of the old me's unresolved goals and dreams lying unfinished along the sides of the crooked backroads of my past.  I feel like I have found the highway and that Im on cruise control towards my ultimate destination, the fate i was designed to live out, with a full tank of gas, but I have a lingering feeling...well a gripping fear... I left something behind in my wake and that everyday it get further behind me and more impossible to retrieve.   I struggle with that,  to make and analogy of it, I fear that I may have left behind my spare tire and jack and its simply to much work and to inconvenient to distract myself from my destination to unload the trunk and check to see if I remembered to pack it.  Im betting on the unthinkable NOT happening and depending on my trusty SUV to carry me and my family safely to our destination with out a blow out.  But if there is a flat tire, i.e, I need to return to work of utilize a form of higher education, Ill be stranded there with out my tire repair kit because I so abruptly left my old home behind with such reckless abandon ( a bad habit of old me...that new me would never make a habit of).  I do have faith in GOD, I do.  But who am I to say that nagging feeling in my gut about my unfinished/interupted old life isnt GOD nudging me to pull into a rest stop and check the trunk, no matter the delay, and make sure I am really, personally equipped for this journey.  Or does faith mean, continue on, forge forward with conviction and it will all work out and be provided for should some hazard arise...I suppose thats the question.  Ive begun this blog, carving out a little time beginning today and hopefully in the weeks to follow, to help myself figure out this journey...to try and regain the ability to clearly see what lies directly in front, behind and and up the highway a bit from me.  How Im going to get there I dont know, but I do know that writing it out in a somewhat organized manner and unjumbeling all of the chaos in my head has got to be helpful.  So this is my journey...the meandering of a modern housewife.