Gage is my little artist. All of my children like to draw and color, but little Gage tries very hard to stay in the lines and he adds sweet little details and he is so proud of his work and it's solid work for a kindergartener. A couple of weeks ago he submitted an entry into a coloring contest at school where the first prize was a ticket to the rodeo and a meet and greet with the rodeo clown. They were selecting a first second and third place winner in each grade. I saw this as a perfect opportunity for Gage to show his skills and in such a small school I was certain he would get some kind of acknowledgement. Every day he waited on the results, he watched videos of cowboys bucking out and rodeo clowns doing their thing. It was so amazing seeing him excited, the thought had occurred to me that he may not win, but the way I figured it, it was still a good learning experience no matter the outcome and I would just cross that bridge when we got to it, i couldn't deprive him of this opportunity because I was afraid he may fail, right?
Yesterday he climbed into the car after school with a broken heart. He had not won, not even a ribbon. My sweet little Goo was heart broken. In his eyes he had failed, he wasn't good enough and in addition to all the personal heartbreak he wouldn't be meeting a rodeo clown or getting a free ticket. He was legitimately devastated. He was sobbing and nothing I could say could fix it. I told him all the normal stuff, that there were alot of entries and that they could only select three winners, that I'm sure other children were feeling exactly the way he was. He shoved his binder over the consol to me and in it was his sweet picture. Just the picture, no sticker or smiley face, no acknowledgement at all. I was hurting so badly for him I wanted to cry also. Why did I do this to him, I was asking myself, did I set him up for this dissapointment? Did I make Gage a sitting duck for life to just violently take out in an harsh instant? All of a sudden my reasoning about a valuable life lesson " you win some you lose some" went right out of the window, he's too fragile for those lessons, too young, too precious.
We have all felt the way Gage was feeling. After being dumped or rejected. Not getting the job we applied for or even the car loan we want. Not feeling good enough. Failure feels dreadful and I have brought it upon my baby. We all know time heals all wounds, but does it? Or do we get distracted and move on open wound and all. As a parent it is our job to clean out those wounds, to medicate them and bandage them up to protect them from further trauma. I think it's fair to assume all mothers share that sentiment. It's frightening and frustrating when something threatens our ideals for the well adjusted adults we are trying to render, even more so when you feel the damage is going to permanently effect their character or self esteem. When your afraid a little part of them will always hang on to a fear of not being good enough, a fear they didn't have before this kind of blow. Sure, i could resort to calling the judges bonkers or saying it must have been a mistake but what message is that sending, that certainly won't be equate to that "well adjusted" ideal. Chloe, my second grader was holding gages hand in the backseat and telling Gage his picture was so good she just couldn't understand it, and then I saw it, a little break in the tears a little comfort from a sister he admires, who is generally more eager to dish out insults than compliments. Did he get over, no, but he got closer. Me telling him his picture was great didn't phase him because he knows I'm going to say that. My accountability is shot, because when it came down to it what I said was great, simply didn't make the cut and thats a fact, one that cant be undone. But Chloes compassion bolstered my spirits. After all I'm her mother too, and this independent, unparentally solicited act of compassion was a sure sign that Chloe too has tasted failure and it has made her kinder. She has benefited from similar compassion and she has added it to her arsenal of life skills. Lo and behold it made her more well adjusted. Ahhhh a small triumph arising from tragedy. A win in a loss.
When we got home, the fitting had subsided but all the hurt was still lingering. My words couldn't make things better, but I knew what would. I taped Gages masterpiece on a prominent wall in the living room. I audibly thanked God that Gage hadn't won because then his art would be at the rodeo instead of my living room. Then while he did his normal after school stuff, i fashioned a first place ribbon from scrap fabric and glued a crayon in the shape of a 1 on front. I awarded Gage a first place prize for his rodeo art in our home because in this house it was the grand prize winner and that's what really counts. I'm happy to report that ribbon meant alot to him he proudly wore it all night and had me place it on his shirt before school today so he could show off his prize.
Is he over the rejection, I doubt it. Will he be apprehensive about entering another contest. Willing to bet on it. Has he built some character and gotten a real life lesson in compassion for his peers? Absolutely. So it's going to be ok.
We need to remember compassion and it's importance to the healing of others. Showing a little compassion speaks volumes about the well adjusted adults we have, ourselves, become.
A picture Gages teacher emailed today of the class at their 100th day of school party. He's wearing his ribbon.
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